my problem: my wife

The effects of abuse on my marriage are profound: sex life is completely in the toilet, there's a constant need healing, the abuse symptoms manifest in weird ways, my victim-ness comes out all too often. Sex is particularly weird - lately our sex life has just been horrible...all of which has been my fault. In the past, I would want to run for the hills, or, as the Courage to Heal Workbook pointed out all too well, I would sabotage everything. The problem is, I really love my wife. She is my soulmate and I can't stand that everything is so hard for her in our marriage. Working through all of this with her is hard...and I know it's crazy hard for her. I will continue working each and everyday...in large part because my wife won't and hasn't given up and also because she truly has caputured my heart and soul. My love for her is greater than my fears...I have to leverage that everyday. I hate that the effects are as they are...I feel especially sorry for my wife. She is amazing to stay with me, because she did nothing to deserve all of this. She *has* to be an angel, for I don't think a mere mortal could stand it. She is beautiful, sexy, funny, intelligent and all around amazing...I see her face when I feel weak and know that I cannot quit. For my old habits, my problem is my wife.