I'm all that's left

9/17/09

My world has been completely destroyed.

I have driven my wife away completely by my refusal to heal and my reluctance to let go of the hurt, pain, shame, guilt, etc.

I want her back so badly I can't stand it...but I know that I can't win her over without healing me, completely, once and for all.

So I am repurposing this blog...I've been waiting to write until I had a dramatic and elegant thesis to post, which is just my way of hiding behind one more thing. From here on out, I'm going to be posting more, but most likely in shorter posts, with an emphasis on being completely honest and open about my life and what's going on right then. I'm working through the "Courage To Heal" workbook, so I would guess that a lot of that will show up here too.

The blog is for my thoughts, because, quite frankly, no one in my life is left:

• my parents are sick of the victim
• my in-laws don't talk to me anymore
• my brother can't deal with my whining
• my sister-in-law in avoidant and unavailable for my selfish rants
• my friends are sick of the depression and the gloom
• my wife...is ready to leave me

God is there for me, but not if I don't work for myself. I've often prayed for miracles, but I know in my heart of hearts that He is not going to move until I move in faith to heal myself and protect myself.

I think this is the absolute bottom...I'm alone, I'm scared, I'm unbelievably sad...and there's nothing to do but start...