wanted: directions for being an adult partner

One of the most obvious problems that occurs because of my abuse is my inability/lack of knowledge of how to be a partner in a true adult relationship. In my marriage, I'm fine when things are good...I can be a good partner. When there's something difficult to deal with, not so much. I am starting to understand that I share my life with my wife and that we deal with things together, but for some reason, it always feels "off" to me. My wife senses it, saying that I'm "acting weird". To me, it feels anxious and panicky...I feel like the difficult situation will cause an irreparable rift between us, even though that's not even close to the case. I cognitively recognize that "things" in life will be easier to carry when the load is shared with my wife...I just need to live that way. I'm working on it...