keeping out of the extremes

I've been leaving my wife out too much. I saw being a victim as all talk, all neediness...so recently I've been charging along on my own, but not really talking to my wife about the details...I've missed it and she misses it...it's just been scary to even venture anywhere that ~could~ be "victim-ish"...I am so determined not to be a victim any longer...but I really do have to talk with my wife...